A lot...

I haven't been very good at keeping up with this. Sorry.

It is now going on day three where I haven't had any classes to teach. I think anyone else would love this kind of situation but...it bothers me. I don't know whether I inherited this trait from my mom or what. I don't mind being unproductive as long as I can have the privacy to do so. But sometimes, I really don't mind having work to do. Being productive does feel good after all.

I've read a lot of fanfiction recently to keep my mind alert. Yes, old fanfiction, but like a lot in the world today, there isn't a lot worth paying attention to. I'd ask the Head English teacher again, but...I'm afraid she'd be angry for bugging her. And counting asking the other teachers, I've asked for the schedule at least 3 times. I'm basically at a loss at what to do. Perhaps I should ask mom...ironically that sounds like a good idea... o_o

The weather here is still nice, on the upside.

On a more personal note, crying about you know what hurts the same every time. But at least the post-crying seems to make me feel better each time. It's true that all I can think about when crying is admitting that I'm weak after all. I wanted to cry to J-chan, but somehow maybe that wasn't okay. I had to check my own strength every now and then. But somehow in my defeat I think its fine if I can't stand on my feet. But last night there was one small thought that asked myself if that was really fine after all. This morning though as the last remnents of crying faded away, I awoke and thought, crying is fine, even hating him is fine. But I guess I don't want to lose after all. When I'm knocked down, I want to get up and fight. He doesn't need me. In fact, he'd rather I stay a safe arm-length away. No matter how much that truth hurts it's still the truth. Maybe it's really fine after all.

いいんです。。。別に。

Anyways, back to the lighter notes. I'm considering translating on this kanji, as it would be good practice. I thought about making worksheets, but I really can't bring myself to do all that work if they're not used. I better have some classes to teach today, otherwise I'll really start worry I did something wrong... :/

Took me a while to figure out the kanji i was translated were names. Go figure. Once again I didn't read directions (or something similar). Perhaps I'll also remember to get up and walk around during the breaks... :P

Even though I probably won't join the guitar club, cause god knows they probably don't have time to teach me...I still want to get a guitar and play. At least it'll be something else to keep me busy.

So...looks like its arts and crafts club after all. Whoot.

The weekend is near...I hope.