this doesn't really have anything to do with japan..but it's been bugging me for a while, so i apologize for the melodrama, but it's my space after all..
i know i'm not the only one who feels this way..but i feel like i really tried...and it seems like i've already gotten the response i'm afraid of the most. of being troublesome and annoying.
even if it may not always be their fault, i message, and yes once or twice i've gotten a response, and no matter how happy they might seem, more often then not they won't ask me in return. they'll say their busy. or they won't even respond...all phone failures? i don't think so...
it makes me feel like a little kid again. i wanna run around screaming throwing stuff and cry...what's so wrong with me, that i can't have friends like normal people?
if i whine like this then i just seem like i'm taking it too personally..that i'm getting so worked up over nothing...and that it happens...
but if i say i don't care, whatever, it doesn't matter...i still end up crying...
on top of already feeling empty, like i'm constantly staring at a blurry cloudy, and snowing sky, i too often feel like either attitude returns me to feeling numb as well.
look at me..i can't even write well anymore...
i would've been content not knowing what it's like to have friends or to be in love...but as a pathetic human, those seems like undeniable desires..
even if i go alone, i hate to admit it isn't much fun...activities that are supposed to be done with friends...i'd rather be disillusioned and think it's better that way. existing without bothering anyone...
i guess the only thing i'm good at is crying and sleeping after all...
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